seris of unfortunate events

Greg's car died....so he borrowed mine. This morning at 5:30 am I got a call, "Can you come pick me up the car died." Crossing my fingers I went out to look who's car he took this am and sure enough it was mine. Lets hope it is an easy fix. I woke the three and threw them into their seats so I could get him to work on time ( a big no no for firefighters is to show up late ) He succeeded in making it there and now I find myself praying for a Volvo miracle. Lets hope tomorrow brings good news!

oh the things they say

this afternoon I was in the car with my youngest adition. We or rather I was listening to randy travis sing about love. One of the lines was I want to kiss you on the lips afterwhich my little blondie says,...WHAT! Kiss you on the Whips!!! BWWWEEEECCCKKK!!! (he cant pronounce Ls as of yet and it made it that much funnier!) When we finally pulled into the house he had this to say "kissing, baby...this is not good music, tomarrow I want to listen to music that isnt this!"

my daughter also enthusically wrote on her school paper, " I am Not going to do school work today" *me chuckle*

all is at rest

I posted about something in a cryptic manner close to a year ago concerning my battle and freedom from a certain mindset and viewpoint which was harming my marriage. Today I was reminded how happy and satisfied I am and I wanted to share with you the confidence I feel by relating what my struggles were, now that I have my solution at hand it can be a complete story beginning and..well almost an end.

A friend of mine has two children, no its not you..the person I am speaking of doesn't read this blog. I asked her if she and her husband were going to have any more. Her response was full of confidence when she told me, " God made it pretty clear we were done." I cant remember if her pregnancy was full of complications or what her 'sign' was exactly I just recall the look in her face. She was being totally honest and she was truly satisfied with it.
Now to get all the facts in the right place I have to give you a bit of background in my own life. I came from a family of 5 kids and my husband came from a family of 2. We had different views of babies and such, mine being the overly romantic about the whole thing. It was my last misconception (no pun intended) about married things. The first misconception was that weddings are all for the people getting married...and really its all about your guests. *surprise* I wont spoil the rest for you. If your married you probably know the rest. But one of those things I was a bit askew on was babies bring people together. In my mind it went something like this (feel free to spray perfume and spread rose petals about the house) When two people love each other very much that love grows. They look toward the future and dream of children (together) they plot and plan the perfect date..The spend a special weekend away-romantic candles included. When they come back she finds that love has grown into a child. Her womb is full. Her husband looks on at her with pride and admiration in his eyes. They go to every pre-natal appointment together never missing an opportunity to bask in the amazingness that is the child and when the day arrives the husband takes shifts (not just the first week) gently changing and cuddling the new life before him..
okay enough of that you get the point. While some or all of this may be true its missing the key element of reality, like mom is so tired she cries WITH the baby, husband doesn't want to cuddle screaming newborn so he puts it back into its bed, baby gets so sick you spend a few nights at a children's hospital..you get the pic. the gist here is reality. The portion of reality I was missing was fertility is just a stage,..no I use that word too much..fertility is just a train station stop on the tracks of life. I cant sit on the train wishing to go back to the station when I have a better stop up ahead. In case you didn't know this is a one way train and as most you you hopefully notice, trains cant swing u turns..because they are on tracks FYI
That day my friend said that I thought "wow God, you gave her an answer and a peace? NO FAIR! and than he pointed out every time I prayed for this desire for one more, I was faking. I prayed it, but didn't mean it. It was my crutch and it was hurting my husband. I was hurting my husband. Weighty stuff here. Which is more important my marriage to a man I promised life and love to or something that didn't exist.. another pregnancy. easy peasy? well not really, I had held firmly to this sin for a long time used it to manipulate and hurt. It was time though. The frustration had trickled into more of my life than my own family and I had taken to ignoring babies in general. I gave to God what was his all along. He gave me something even better, peace. Living with peace is amazing. SOOO much better than hurt. I can truly say I am happy and fulfilled with three, I have an fantastic husband who I love and my children are a daily source of joy. I have what she does, peace. Why did God take so long? He didn't I did. It was my choice to think about how I couldn't feel special and pregnant, or get those 'Happy hormones' When people admire how successfully you pull the pregnant look off. Thanks to (K) you know who you are ;) I have found a friend who has helped me see the reality through the lies the world tells. Its not what makes that you special but who. God makes me unique. Now that I am freed I can focus on my three fantastic, crazy overwhelming, sometimes psycho but always mine kids. And when I say I am done having babies its black and white.
As far as adoption and fostering? who knows, but Gods gonna have to give me a call through my cell if I have to go back to diapers!
There are people who were Gods tools through this long struggle, I wish I could name but cant. You know who you are and I am eternally grateful for all your patience and prayers.

Without God it is impossible, Without friends it is unbearable!
-by unknown-

do tell

Here I am back again...finally. All this jaunting from state to state has seriously harmed my blogging as well as my jogging. Soggy fingers and a soggy bottom!
No worries, I still have the ability to make a cup of hot chocolate for my kids while mostly asleep, couldn't let that skill go. Lately its occurred to me I use to be allot of fun. Even as a mom I was more fun than I am now. Oh sure it doesn't show up on a blog because here its just words, quaint sentences of my country life. I'm trying to get it back, the silliness and fun. Not sure where I left it but am strangely suspicious that I turned in some of it in exchange for adultish worry. Those things only big people think of like "Is there really money in the account connected to the card," or " If they go there and I go here who is going to take them?" They pile in excess around the house like old newspapers. Brain clutter. Doing some much needed cleaning and organizing of my priority's in order to better serve my family. So that in a nutshell is it.
So long and thanks for all the fish! (hitch hikers guide to the galaxy)

wow!

Its been two crazy great weeks. Last week Kristen, Daryl and the cousins came and spent a all to short week visiting us. We did exciting and fun things like visit the beach, eat spaghetti outside and renovate the garden together. Half the enjoyment came from the wild running about all six of them did along with the forever bonds that are strengthened every moment they spend together. Greg and I both felt that the kids needed more time as well as a much needed visit with Greg's grandparents.Off we flew to Camas for a week of rest. My girl also enjoys the fact that there is a little girl up here to play with.
As far as homechooling, I have recently learned the truth behind the phrase "slave to her education" but the benefits are worth the effort two fold. First of all my girl is finishing her work every day with time to spare as well as advancing through her math at a crazy fast pace. Secondly teacher told me that it looked like we would be able to start 2nd grade math this school year. Thomas is getting some school in and seems to be picking phonics up fairly well.
Right now the little boys are upstairs playing rough with the daddies. I am thankful for such wonderful family and friends to be surrounded by. Greg's mom and dad came up for the weekend and my three are grateful to get a chance to see them also.

re-arranging the garden

Some might think re-arranging things should be left to couches and schedules...I think gardens can also be moved around like furniture. While the cousins were visiting I started visualising what would make this next year more attractive. I want a English garden feel and so far the only portion of my garden that portrays that is the bench and trellis in the corner.
I started with the idea to move one very sad and deer eaten pear tree to the back yard. "Where am I going to put it?" kept circling my brain. There are already two apple trees in the main portion of the back yard so trying to maneuver another without taking up all the meandering space would be impossible. The only place I could think of was the veggie garden. Currently my bricks are being re-arranged to accommodate more flowers and a tree without loosing much planting space for next year. Between marathons, gardening and buying t-shirts without character's on them, I think maturity has finally dug her claws into me...and its not really that bad after all! Pics later.

this season the opera presents la boheme cloathing review

Here is a tidbit rarely shared to others before they first approach the large glass doors which open to musical awareness. Standing in the lobby is half the fun. You see there are many types of attendees; casual, classy, over the top,butch, cougar and (lets face it we have all been there) The in high school and trying way to hard to look sophisticated. Between each category lays a string sized fine line. It is the only thing separating classy from casual and can be crossed with a decision to go with a sweater instead of a pashmena(sp) (for the fashion ignorant that means shawl) Very few words reach over the din of murmuring voices addressing such.
Fortunately/unfortunately for women words are the last resort of communication.
Think about it now, how often do you find your body language proceeding you in a conversation. To get a few feet off the subject for only a moment, think about a time when you had to confront someone. You swallow or sniff, your arms unconsciously hug yourself, perhaps your neck feels stiff.
Put that with around 800 to 1000 women who just spent around 3 hours primping and finish it off with an average bathroom line of 15 and girl you just stepped yourself into the common woman's version of a runway. Do you want to stand out? wear red or any jewel tone color for that matter, most everyone is in black. How about blend in? Just the opposite. Pick black and brown, preferably below the knee. Want to make a statement but not draw a crowd? Think SHOES. Most dress to the top and forget what comes below their knees. 89% of the people attending go with black, tan, or grey. It may be dark but not that dark. You can bet if every one is standing around looking at what your wearing eventually they will look at your feet, even if it is only to retrieve an olive from their overpriced intermission martini.
The best of the night? Defiantly the pashminas(sp). Many had beautiful scrawling designers and most improved upon the wearers general appearance. Worst? It would have to be a 40 year old skinny woman wearing a low cut silk dress. Silk comes with requirements....be under 20 or pair it the beautiful invention we like to call spanks. Its a tummy tuck in nylon tubing often combined with under wire support.
The opera itself was lovely as my man was. I'm so not deserving of such a husband who would take me out and spoil me with dinner and a show more than once a year let alone buy a seasons worth of tickets for the second year in a row. He says it covers all the holidays. True, but I think it might also be he likes stepping out just as much as I do.