Haiku Tuesday

Tuesday already?!
Swimming, laughter, cousins, fun
Hurrah for summer




Click for Kristen

being grown up

  Two nights ago the kids finally fell asleep and we began to grasp at the inevitable. Nancy, our beloved first 'child', was continuing down the road to death and picking up speed as she went. In the last month she became unable to walk further than a house length, her accidents became daily, and her apatite was very low. We both talked and cried and said our goodbyes, hoping and praying that when the morning came she would already be gone. It ripped my heart out, but it was time. She had been a faithful companion to me for nearly 10 years. Greg offered to take her in for me but I insisted. All the times she had been there for me, it was the least I could do.
  Oh, how my heart pounded as I stood in line! The whole time I self coached.."don't cry, don't cry, don't cry" Nancy waited in the car as I explained to the lady what needed to take place. My voice was a horse whisper. I paid the dues and helped her up the steep steps, knowing that when I walked back through the door it would be alone. For the first time in my married life I wouldn't have an extra set of eyes when Greg wasn't around. There would be no big old lady to scare the bad people away, no one to help me feel safe at night.
  The nurse arrived and gave her the tranquilizer shot. Nancy slowly drifted from me. Her warm body rising and falling in slow sedated breaths. That big heart, that held so much of my security, thumped its last few beats after the final injection. All that was left was a warm empty shell. As much as I wanted to cradle her, reality told me to stand up and leave. She was gone. It was done.
   Yesterday afforded many things besides having a good reason to cry. It helped me understand why its so hard to be a grown up and why so many people run away from it. Being an adult means you make hard decisions and follow through. It means you get to deal with sorrow and pain while living life. There are no options to shut down and crawl into a ball while others make due.
  I have lost pets before..many people too. This was different than the rest because she was my kid. So now I will suffer you to survive through the eulogy. Mostly because as the years fly by my memory will fade and she is something I want to remember.
  When we got Nancy in October 2001 she was the size of a shoe. Her owners sold her cheep and probably figured she wouldn't live because she was the runt. Greg and I use to walk her through Leavenworth and people would ask,"is that a jack Russel terrier?"
  She began to grow and grow. We took her everywhere with us. When she was 6 months old, she broke her femur. In truth, sledding hill inner tube chasing accident. We didn't have much money back then. We were both scared and worried she would have to be put to sleep. Surgery was performed and payments were made.
  When Shamu came along Nancy showed him the ropes. Often by running full bore at him and rolling him between her legs. The ran and played and dug up rotting coyotes together. I will never forget the time they were gallivanting up the road, each had half a carcase in their mouths. I was running from them in order to avoid being shared with.
  Kids came along. Nancy was puzzled and a little scared. She grew to be such a great nanny. By the time our third kid came home she had perfected the, "you really did that again?" look. Years of being crawled over, tugged on, and shared with made her a fantastic kid proof dog.
  The years that Greg was in school, Nancy comforted me. She was around when I needed a snuggle or someone to listen when I talked.
  Most recently (before she took a turn for the worst) Nancy had become my motivator. She would slowly creek up the stairs to get me going for daily walks. If I resisted she would shake her ears and threaten to wake the kids. She had her faults, but she was mine.
  I miss her. Each day will get better and easier. In time we will get another but here will never be another dog who was our kid. The next one will just be a dog. Here's to being grown up.

a long goodbye

  Here it is 5:38 AM and I am awake. Knowing what I have to do this morning is keeping me from sleeping. Last night Greg and I made a decision that we cried over together. Its time to say goodbye to our very special dog and first kid, Nancypoopface. Its been a long time comming. We have ignored it for so long hoping that she would last a few more years or at least she would have a heart attack in her sleep. Man how I have prayed about not having to do this. Sometimes God's answers are different from what we want. Both Greg and I know its what needs to happen and I wouln't want anyone else to do it but me. Unless the vet says they can't, I will be saying a long goodbye today to a friend I will never forget.

  Goodbye Nancy.
 

A view back

Greg and I were sitting on the couch looking back at my blogging. I generally cant stand reading my own work but the pictures make it worth my while. I lose track of life so quickly. The day to day survival mode causes me to miss the bigger picture most of the time. Part of it is the stage of life I am in, the other part is just who I am.
  Last night I was listening to 'Boundries with Kids' on my Ipod. I have had the CD's for years and previously read the book, but never transferred it over. Its been nice to have a refresher! Heaven knows I am not the perfect parent and I love new ideas. Here is what I have been learning about my kids.
  We call Mr. Steel the 'Man Child' for good reason. He is SUCH a guy. Ever since he was a baby he has been into stereotypical man things. He loves fire. He enjoys hard physical labor (no joke). He prefers the company of men. He longs to spend all his time outside. He is loud. Lastly, he had to be taught to snuggle and read books. While all these things might not seem 'manish' to you in our fam that's what it equates to. 
  The result of this is I have a hard time understanding him and his motives. I have many, "why on earth would you do that?" moments. Most of this I am realising is because he has a personality that I had to get to know. I cant relate him to other kid experiences I have had. He is such his own person that many times I have to remind myself to parent differently. Switching gears is rough! When he was very little he would walk around upset and angry. I would send his little sobbing self to sit it out on his bed. There he would get MORE angry and upset. It took eons before I realised that he needed to be picked up and held and told that he was loved.  
I suppose that I am trying to say, parenting is such a learning journey. You think everything is figured out until you discover you it isn't! Ha. I can only imagine foster parenting will be that much more challenging. Thank you Mr. Steel for reminding me that all children are not the same. Without your personality I would rarely be challenged to grow in my parenting skills!

Haiku Tuesday

All things considered
injury, late nights, more work
Jesus Draws us close



click for Kristen

surgery

 So Greg made it through his surgery all right. He is hooked up to a machine during the day and night that pumps ice cold water through the pack, cooling and helping heal more quickly. Its hard to have him in pain and sedentary on the couch because I know its driving him nuts. We are both a tired and worn but his recovery is going well. He was grateful for a shower yesterday. What have I learned from all this? That being a full time home health nurse would be exhausting and that I am more in love with my husband today than ever. Crazy right? Its true. I am encouraged to see his strength and willingness to persevere under all the pain. Love that man.

Haiku Tuesday

Ah yes orthotics
they may not fit into heels
But cowboy boots? Yeah!


click for kristen

more yard, with a little progress

For the last month I have been pulling and pulling grass...Urgh GRASS. It makes me feel like I haven't made any progress AT ALL. Fortunately I took before pictures and made myself look at them. I suppose I am making a little dent in the yard of grass. Click to see the start. The best part of today was the fact after three years, the fence is one single color. Its bugged me so much! Every time I drive up it caught my eye and made me cringe. Not any more! Fresh stain on fence checheroo.
. P.S. you were all right, white would have been way too much trouble.

kid fun

The Bitty Twin baby dolls have been such a HIT! My girl loves babies and baby dolls. When we got the twins in December I wasn't sure they would be as much loved as her Bitty Baby. She got 'Rose' for her 4th Christmas and is very attached to her. No such problem. She shares her time between all the dolls. This is mom talk so bear with me. I was never a baby doll person so its fun to live through her just a little and enjoy her pretend play about what her children do and don't do. Its funny to hear what her children get into and do because its much like what happens with her brothers and her. The bottom pic is the kids in the pool we picked up for a buck. Love those garage sales.

Canoe

    I have been drooling over canoes on cragslist for a month now. We live right next to a canal and near several lakes...okay more like large ponds. Visions of Sacajawea dance in my brain. No really they do. For years as a pre-teen I had a major love affair with riding bareback and wishing I could disappear into the woods for weeks on end dressed in buckskin surviving on...okay I lost you in the last sentence right? Years of homeschooling on and off gave me a "unique" and more often overactive imagination. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, canoes. So I sold my car and have a bit left over for spending. I am TRYING to be good and wait for a writing class. But Craigslist is so enticing. Meanwhile my neighbors came home and I went to visit them. They had just purchased a canoe (can you count all the times I said canoe?) for $50 on craigslist and I get to use it whenever I want! So does that mean I will exercise responsibility with the rest of my cash...since its MY cash. Who knows. What I do know is the great enjoyment I got paddling down the canal in a canoe (there it is again) taking in nature. To say it more accurately, I was taking in nature while my kids cast it out. Never in my life have I seen ducks and geese swim so quickly in the opposite direction. Perhaps it was the thought of being captured and 'snuggled' into an early grave. Oh, and I love my new Birkenstock sandals.

more colors, more sun, more fun

 The three hollered at me to take their picture while they were on the hill....the hill I just planted things on so it will not slide anymore. Who can resist those smiles and happy faces. I took the shot.

 At least some of the grass I hauled up the hill has stuck. It use to be entirely sand. "Look mom, we're right here!"

My yard is NOT as far along as I would like it to be. Its still sand and...well sand. Greg and I will be in and out during his surgery so committing to watering is a bit sketchy. The Poppie in red is bigger than ever. You thing after all the times I tried to eliminate it by digging it out the thing would be dead. Apparently not. This year I am not worrying too much about Mr. Steel eating foreign objects. He asks now. (about time) So the Poppie stays. Now That I said that it will probably die! HA!